Italianish Skilletino

I hate eating Italian food. Let me rephrase: I love eating Italian food, I hate the aftermath. Eating a bowl of pasta is the equivalent of signing away the next 12 hours of my life to a food coma; it would be faster to just anesthetize me. My theory, based on little to no science, is that the carbs and the cheese unite in my stomach and create a false winter somehow, signaling to my brain to enter hibernation ASAP.  Classic cheese and carbs, not to be trusted. So I wanted to eat something Italianish without spending the rest of the day horizontal.

– some chopped up onion or garlic
– olive oil
– balsamic vinegar
– assorted Italianish veggies (I used broccoli and mushrooms)
– a string cheese
– something grain-y, like quinoa. brown rice could be cool too.
– something sauce-y, like stewed tomatoes from your parents garden that they gave you forever ago and you forgot about in the back of your freezer
– salt
– pepper

1) prep ingredients that need prepping. for example, I strung my cheese (stringed? reduced into stringlike pieces?), steamed my broccoli, chopped my mushrooms, and made a bunch of quinoa and set some aside for tomorrow.

what a good looking pile of cheese strings

2) put some olive oil in a skillet, heat it up, and add the onion and/or garlic. cook that till it looks done. I have no idea what “done” onion looks like, I usually just wait until it changes color. add the mushrooms and some balsamic vinegar, sauté until the mushrooms change color. dump in your sauce-y thing, your grain-y thing, and the broccoli or any veggies that don’t need to be stir fried.

3) realize that chopping up the broccoli would have been a super good call, because they are way too big. panic. consider grabbing them out of the pan and chopping them quickly, grab one and realize it’s real hot, proceed to chop up broccoli while it’s still in the skillet and hope you aren’t ruining your pan.

safety second, food goodness first.

4) drape your cheese strings across the mixture in a kind of cute pattern. add some salt and pepper. cover the pan with a lid that’s a size too small but seems to still work more or less. feel good about yourself. realize your cheese pattern is worthless because the cheese isn’t melting at all, mix the cheese into the pile, stir it up until all the strings are melted and pretty evenly distributed.

what a great pile

Rating: Brachiosaurus

Are you in a food coma? nope! I mean, I’m a little sleepy, but it’s a summer afternoon, so that seems inevitable. i think the trick is a ton of veggies and only a little cheese.

What a cool food! Brachiosaurus is the best rating, right? totally, I loved this. it tastes italianish without being too heavy. there aren’t a lot of strong flavors, which I didn’t mind but might be a deal breaker for other people. parmesan cheese would maybe be better than string cheese, and pesto would be a great addition because it is literally always a great addition. but I’m pretty happy with the first draft of the Italianish Skilletino. Molto bene!

Lazy Eggplant Parmesan

eggplants are the worst. it’s a fact. they taste so good in restaurants, and look so good in stores and markets, but the process of changing a pretty purple bulb into bubbling eggplant parmesan is a mystery (“a mystery” here meaning “a lot of work, and something with bread crumbs?”). i have never made anything with an eggplant that actually tastes good. seriously. i’ve tried at least 5 times in the past. so naturally, when i saw an eggplant at the “feira” today, i bought it.

eggplant is a cruel mistress.

I looked up some recipes online, and i was told to grill the eggplant. that’s where the adventure began.

– 1 eggplant (in the end i only used half)
– olive oil
– salt
– half a red pepper
– 2 cloves of garlic
– a bunch of tomato sauce
– enough sliced mozzarella to cover the pan you’re cooking in (slice thinly. or not. it’s really your call)
– balsamic vinegar
– some parmesan cheese, if you’re feeling feisty. slash if you have parmesan cheese.

1) slice the eggplant into thin, even slices. i got 14 out of mine. rub the slices with olive oil and sprinkle with salt, as per the instructions of The Internet.

2) put the eggplant slices on a nifty oven-grilling-apparatus. oh, you don’t have one? that’s fine, the real recipe doesn’t even start til step 5. this is just the warm-up struggle.

3) cook the eggplant slices until they become a different color (usually a good rule of thumb in cooking: something is done when it is a different color). try a nibble of one of them. realize they taste terrible. grill the remaining slices anyways. burn your finger in the process. wonder if they have tongs in Brazil.

4) ta da! you have 14 warm, spongey eggplant slices and they all taste like gross nothing. go back to the drawing board. read some eggplant parmesan recipes. decide they’re too hard. go back to the basics: when in doubt, stir fry!

5) chop up the garlic and the red pepper real little. heat up some olive oil in a pan and cook the garlic/pepper. add half the eggplant slices. stir fry until you feel better about the grilling fiasco. add some balsamic vinegar.

6) arrange the eggplant slices in the pan so they don’t overlap (seriously, where are the tongs) and dump half a can of tomato sauce on top. place the mozzarella on top of the sauce, also not overlapping. cook until the cheese looks melt-y.

it’s covered in cheese. even eggplant can’t ruin this!

7) scoop onto a plate and sprinkle some parmesan on top.

Rating: Stegosaurus

So….should i grill the eggplant? probably not necessary. stir frying it should get ‘er good and cooked. word of warning: the spongey-ness of the eggplant means it slurps up olive oil in no time, which can add lots of fat. good fat, but still. just pay attention to how much oil you’re using if you stir fry.

Is this recipe healthy? here’s the thing. compared to eggplant parmesan, the real deal: yes. the eggplant isn’t breaded then fried, and there isn’t THAT much cheese (plus, bonus veggies from the red pepper). compared to, say, grilled eggplant: no. so if i could master that, i would make it, but clearly that’s easier said than done.

Eggplants are tough to prepare, but i think it’s worth it in the end. a cup of eggplant has 35 calories (take that pasta!) and the skin has some weird antioxidant…

Antioxidants

Along with manganese, eggplant skin contains the antioxidant nasunin. A study in the journal “Toxicology” published in August 2000 found that nasunin from eggplants helped prevent cellular damage in the brains of rats. Eggplants also are high in a chlorogenic acid, a powerful antioxidant offering antimicrobial and antiviral activities along with the ability to help lower bad cholesterol levels.

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/321868-health-benefits-of-eggplant/#ixzz2LNUMM8bM

so there you go. the skin is a pretty color, and it can help cancel out some of that cholesterol-boosting cheese fat.

Foods That Are Good, Brazil Edition

Well, almost exactly 2 months since my last post, I have decided it’s time to jump back on the cooking band wagon! What happened? Brazil happened. that’s right, i’m living in Brazil for the next 5 months. Amidst all the hustle and bustle of leaving the country and figuring out how Sao Paulo works, almost zero cooking has happened. Like actually, i think the most i cooked was dipping apple slices in peanut butter.

But i’m back to cooking again! my host mom is leaving for the next week and i’m going to take that time to make all the things i miss, assuming i can find the ingredients. i’m looking at recipes for inspiration now.

Let the cooking (re)commence!

Faux Sho Egg Rolls!

It’s that time of year again! I’m getting ready to move out in the next month, and we all know what that means: eat all those foods i haven’t eaten all semester! I currently have lentils cooking on the stove, edamame chilling in the sink, and tofu marinating on the counter, as well as a couple of Faux Sho Egg Rolls waiting for my full masticating attention. why “faux sho,” you ask? because i have a bunch of faux meat i need to eat, fo sho! so i cooked up a couple morning star burgers… i’ll just write the recipe.

– 2 veggie burgers
– those left over egg roll wrappers from Eggurritolls, i used 5
– edamame, probably half a cup
– sesame seed dressing, or any other asian-y sauce that you love love love
– maybe something for dipping, they’re a little dry without it (i used teriyaki marinade)

1) defrost your egg roll wrappers if they were in the back of your fridge and that area always freezes stuff (it’s not just me, right?)

2) cook your burgers however you want. I microwaved them per package directions. cut them up into little strips.

3) spread about a teaspoon of whatever sauce you’re using inside the egg rolls on the wrapper. Add 1/5 of the faux meat and 1/5 of the edamame.

4) roll ’em up burrito style, seal with some water on the last corner, and cook them per egg roll package directions.

5) eat with the dipping sauce.

Rating: Pterodactyl

The low-down on fake meat. I love being a vegetarian. It makes me feel better about my environmental impact and about animal cruelty. And it just regular makes me feel better, physically. But sometimes, i want meat. 93% of vegetarians feel this way sometimes (note: fake statistic). and sometimes, after a long night of watching your boyfriend cook an entire chicken and rave about the results, one could perhaps fall into a vegetarian pity-fest. the point is, fake meat is pretty darn good if you don’t look at it too much. and 28 grams of protein is nothing to scoff (bonus protein from the edamame).

Oh. So vegetarians should always eat fake meat. Some do. There’s not anything wrong with it, besides a pretty high sodium content on some products. The thing that makes me nervous is the ingredients list. Most things i eat have 10 ingredients max. some things, like carrots, have one ingredient: carrots (thanks, Safeway.) But when the very first ingredient is Textured Vegetable Protein, and the next 26 are things i’ve never heard of and/or can’t pronounce, it makes me a little skeptical.

that being said, i’m probably eating all of these in the next 7 to 9 minutes. Yum!

Eggurritolls (Egg-Burrito-Rolls)

I’m going to the doctor this week, so I’ve been trying to eat lots of protein so i can get a gold star on my bloodwork. They give you stars right? I’m also semi-obsessed with eggrolls but I haven’t made them in a while. i wanted a fun way to eat black beans, because they aren’t the most fun of the foods, so i decided to make cute little eggurritorolls! one could argue that these are southwest eggrolls. or one could not.

– egg roll wrappers, like 9
– a can of black beans (kuner’s has salt-free ones, which are bland but won’t skyrocket your sodium right before you have to go to the doctors)
– stuff to add to the beans to give them flavor (I used chopped-up tomato, green pepper, jalapeno pepper, salsa, and cumin. why cumin, you ask? because i randomly own a ton of it.)
– stale marshmallows
– olive oil

1) read the back of your egg roll wrappers’ packaging. it should say “to bake: preheat oven to 400 degrees” or something. do that.

2) cut the jalapeno in half. try to remember how spicy a jalapeno is. lick the jalapeno; notice that it’s outrageously spicy. panic. eat stale marshmallows laying on the counter. drink lots of water. chop 1/2 of the jalapeno really finely (mince, if you will) and do the same to 1/4 of the green pepper. notice that your mouth is still burning from licking the jalapeno (why did that seem like a good idea??). angrily throw away half of the minced jalapeno. curse the existence of the jalapeno.

3) Sautee the peppers; add the beans and salsa and tomato and cumin. it’s way too watery. reduce that shit like a boss. (aka cook on med high until most of the liquid boils off).

4) Spread the squished avocado on an eggroll. Add a scoopful of the veggie mixture. wrap it up like a burrito and seal the end by spreading a little water on a corner of the wrapper and pressing it down on the rolled part.

5) repeat. repeat. repeat. etc.

6) cook in the oven according to package directions. Done! Yum!

Rating: mammal

Mammal? Oh no! i know, not my usual best. the problem is that I used salt-free beans which were a little flavorless. aaaaand everything else was a little bit flavorless. they were overall flavorless.

But i just read this whole recipe….for nothing? no no no, this is an easy fix. Next time i would use flavored beans, and salsa, and maybe some kind of hot sauce or green chile sauce. There’s a lot of options here. the texture was totally great so i’d still recommend making them.

Live Like Lance!

Live Like Lance!

I used to call the “livestrong” bracelets “livelikelance” bracelets, in honor of lance armstrong. lance armstrong has recently fallen out of grace because of blood doping, apparently, but the website continues to be one of my favorites. they have a bunch of articles on nutrition and recipes, and a whole other section on working out and staying fit (livelikelance!). 

it’s dope. pun intended. 

Pad Squash

I am a newcomer to the world of spaghetti squash. It is a mystical food that looks like a big yellow egg, but turns into spaghetti when you slice it in half and cook it. How cool is that?? I ALSO recently discovered Pad Woon Sen, which is all the deliciousness of Pad Thai with some skinny bean thing instead of noodles. In honor of these two Good Foods, I present to you: Pad Squash. I sort of loosely based it off a paleo-diet pad thai recipe (Paleo Pad Thai recipe)

It’s a little more complicated than most of my recipes but super super worth it.

– a spaghetti squash
– a bunch of veggies (i used edamame, red pell pepper, broccoli, snap peas, and onion. carrots and water chestnuts would also be outrageously good.)
– sauce (i made my own by mixing a bunch of stuff together, i’ll put it at the bottom.)
– peanuts
– 2 eggs

1) make the spaghetti squash. lightly grease a cookie sheet. heat your oven to 350 degrees fahrenheit (or 325, if your oven is inexplicably 25 degrees hotter than what you set it to). cut the squash in half lengthwise, scoop out all the goop, and place squash-side down on the cookie sheet. cook for 30 min.

2) in the meantime, get out a skillet and crack the two eggs into it. scramble the eggs in the pan. you could scramble in a bowl then add to the pan, but i really don’t taste a difference and this way saves you cleaning a bowl. #nodishwasher. cook eggs like you would a pancake, once scrambled (aka cook til one side’s well set and maybe browning a little; flip, repeat.)

3) cut your egg pancake into little squares. chop up veggies into your favorite size of veggie chunks.

scrape that squash into noodles. aw yeah.

4) take the squash out of oven, assuming it’s done. if it’s not done, do something useful with your life. talk to your roommate. do some jumping jacks. try to remove the glass stuck to your counter with some combination of soda and alcohol. give up. realize time’s up and take the squash out of the oven. let it cool. Drag a big spoon against the flesh of the squash so it sort of falls out as noodles. seriously cool.

5) sauté the veggies in some olive oil. add the squash “noodles,” eggs, and sauce. cook ‘er all up, throw some peanuts on top and you have some delicious Pad Squash! Yum.

for the sauce:

– teriyaki sauce
– soy sauce
– garlic paste
– peanut butter
– lemon juice
– a clementine
– cayenne pepper
– ground cumin

1) squeeze the clementine juice into a bowl, mix everything up, microwave it so the peanut butter melts, mix it all up again. all of these ingredients are optional, you can really combine whatever you have slash like. earlier this week i made spaghetti squash with balsamic vinaigrette  pesto, marinara sauce and garlic paste. also a delicious combination.

yum yum yum!

Rating: Brachiosaurus

Why is this good?Because it tastes flipping amazing! And it’s two or three serving of nutrient-dense veggies, and it’s full of protein from surprising places. There’s the peanut butter in the sauce (surprise!), the edamame in the veggies (surprise!) and the egg-pancake (not-so-surprising). You could also add tofu or meat to amp up the protein.

Any downsides? all that soy sauce probably makes for a pretty high sodium content. but you could play around with different sauces. and frankly, i’m not too concerned about sodium as a human who doesn’t ever eat fast food and rarely eats processed food.

I’m thinking about it now, and this might be off the chain with some pineapple added to the veggies. Hmmmmm. better keep cooking!

Tootsie Smush

I have a major sweet tooth, especially after eating halloween candy for a week straight. The thing about sugar is that the more you eat the more you want. No promises on the science behind that statement, but it really seems true. Sometimes you have to be strong and just say no to the sweet stuff. And sometimes you have to gather up everything remotely dessert-y laying around your house and invent a food by melting all of them together. Tonight was a melt-everything-together night.

– 12 tootsie rolls
– some peanut butter. probably 1/2 a cup
– graham cracker crumbs, 1/8 to 1/4 cup
– 2 Tbsp. butter
– 1/4 c. powdered sugar.
– some soy milk. or regular milk. maybe 3 Tbsp.

As always, the measurements are guesstimates. Just use your best judgement.

1) Melt the butter. add the cracker crumbs. stir, press into bottom of a bowl.

2) mix the peanut butter and the powdered sugar. add those ones to the bowl.

3) microwave the tootsie rolls and (soy) milk for 30 seconds, then stir, then microwave for another 30 seconds. pour the chocolatey goodness over the peanut butter.

4) freeze for 10 minutes. or 5. or however long you can wait before freaking out because delicious goodness awaits you.

Rating: T-Rex

Why is this good? well. it tastes delicious (what up, powdered suger and butter??).

But is it healthy? ahhhh….it’s not. not really. It’s good in the sense that it uses up any extra tootsie rolls you have laying around! thank god we finally have a solution for that pressing problem. and there’s a little bit of protein from the peanut butter. but it’s a whole lot of sugar and fat.

So why did you make it? because sometimes, you just have to eat delicious, not-healthy things. if you don’t actually eat what you want, you usually eat a million other things you kind of want. again, can’t guarantee the science on that.

I don’t have any tootsie rolls. that makes sense…because normal humans don’t have bags of tootsie rolls laying around…the moral of this post is that sometimes you have to eat dessert, and if you don’t have enough ingredients for a real recipe, just melt everything together, maybe in layers. it’s quick and helps you clean out some of those strange dessert-y things you have laying around.

Breakfast Burritos

My father’s mantra growing up was “Let’s make a bunch and freeze it!” Lasagna, chocolate chip cookies, balls of pie dough…our freezer was always full of tupperware and tinfoil. After years of making fun of his strange obsession with producing food en masse, I’ve come around and started making batches of breakfast burritos. It takes about 30 minutes (40, if you turn on the wrong burner) but hey, that’s 3 minutes a burrito! This latest project happened at 11:30 pm on a Sunday, naturally; I wouldn’t necessarily recommend starting involved projects late on a school night. 

– 10 tortillas (i got whole wheat ones)
– some vegetables (i used 1/4 a red pepper, 1/4 a green pepper, half a cup of corn and like 5 mushrooms)
– olive oil for cooking veggies
– refried beans. the annie’s ones are vegetarian.
– 8 eggs
– salsa or chopped up tomatoes
– whatever else you like in burritos. sometimes i add cheese, you could do potatoes or meat stuff if that’s your jam.

1)  cook the veggies in a pan with the oil. MAKE SURE that the burner you turn on is the one under the pan. that little step will save you like ten minutes.

2) scramble the eggs. i dumped the veggies in a bowl and used the same pan. meanwhile open up the salsa and the beans and put the tortillas on a plate. you’re ready to start assembling! 

Beans then Eggs then Veggies then Salsa

3) make your burritos. spread a big spoonful of beans on the tortilla, then some eggs, then some veggies, then some salsa. roll the burrito, wrap in tinfoil, repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat repeat, stick ’em all in your freezer

lookin’ good, lil burritos!

Ta-da! You did it! to reheat, UNWRAP (no tinfoil in the microwave, duh) and microwave for like 1 min 30 seconds. 

Rating: Pterodactyl

Why is this good? these cost about $1.50 a burrito, which is way cheaper than anything you could buy that’s this good. they’re also perfect when you’re running out the door and you don’t want to eat a cookie for breakfast (you guys don’t eat cookies for breakfast? oh….awkward….). These ones don’t have any dairy or meat, great for a lactose-intolerant vegetarian, but you could easily adapt them to your own dietary needs. Even without dairy and meat, the beans and eggs pack a protein bunch that will keep you full for the whole morning. 

But you only gave it a pterodactyl rating! hey now, pterodactyl’s pretty good. however, these are a little labor intensive and let’s be honest, sometimes you just want to eat cookies for breakfast! plus they make a pretty big mess, especially if you don’t have a dishwasher, but I really think it evens out in the long run.

I’m bored of these ones. i have a bunch of variations i want to try, like adding avocado (not sure how it would keep in the freezer) or green chile sauce. I also want to make lunch ones that are less burritos and more wraps, with stuff like tofu and lettuce on the inside. Again, not sure how the lettuce would keep. the moral of the story is, if you find something you love, make a bunch and freeze it! start with small batches, before you know how it will turn out. It’s seriously too convenient and way cheaper than buying breakfast/lunch.  

Good Drink, brought to you by Cayenne Pepper

click here for all the reasons cayenne pepper is ridiculously good

I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee lately. A LOT of coffee. I like drinking my coffee black, because i figure if i’m going to dump a bunch of acid in my stomach, i might as well do it sugar- and calorie-free. Plus black coffee is about half the price of a mocha or any fancy tasting drink at a coffee shop.

I work in retail, so caffeine is a must. Let me try that again: being peppy and friendly is a must, which for me means caffeine is a must. I was getting ready for work today, brewing half a pot of coffee, and thinking about how I didn’t want to be starving while i was at work, and how bored I was of black coffee, and how i really should drink that chocolate milk in my fridge before it goes bad. Suddenly, an idea was born. I  call it “Good Drink,” because it’s a drink. and it’s good.

– 1/2 of whatever container you’re using of coffee (I used a thermos, because of It Keeps Stuff Warm)
– 1/2 of your container’s worth of chocolate milk
– a bunch of cinnamon
– half as much cayenne pepper as cinnamon

1) add the coffee and the chocolate milk to your container.

2) add the cinnamon and the cayenne pepper. some countries use the metric system, others utilize more arbitrary measurements like tablespoons and teaspoons. I prefer the “add ‘n taste” method. this means you add some cinnamon, and pepper, then take a little sip. Keep adding what it seems like it’s missing until you like how it tastes, or it’s so bad that you have to throw it out and start over. the “add ‘n taste” method can be applied to almost any cooking situation. so there, now you all know why i always come to school with sandwiches that have bites missing.

Rating: Triceratops

Why is this good? cost and caffeine are the two biggies. I bought my cinnamon and pepper for $1 each. obviously you can get way fancier with spices, but i still thought it was tasty. Cinnamon is also an under-celebrated superfood, so if kale and goji berries are a little out there for you, start sprinkling cinnamon on everything. The Interwebs say cinnamon probably decreases cholesterol and regulates blood sugar, which means the sugar in whatever you add it to isn’t going to string you out. I add cinnamon to coffee all the time, mostly because it’s an appetite suppressant and if i’m drinking black coffee it usually means i don’t have time to eat.

Cayenne pepper. That’s weird. ya it kind of is. but it’s also CRAZY GOOD FOR YOU! it neutralizes acid (which is convenient, because coffee is acidic)  and it’s an anti-inflammatory. my understanding of inflammation, from my one nutrition class, is that everything bad is caused by/worsened by inflammation (or Inflammation: It’s Not Just An Allergies Thing). not having time to eat or sleep means i also don’t have time to get sick, so i think i’m going to start adding cayenne pepper to everything ever. nothing can go wrong!

That’s so great you made this amazing drink! Well, it wasn’t all good. The temperature was awkwardly lukewarm, probably because the milk was in the fridge and the coffee was hot. Next time i’ll microwave the milk or add ice to the whole thing. Did you know you can make leftover coffee into ice cubes that won’t dilute your drink? Science is crazy. Also, the pepper seemed to intensify after my initial taste tests, so PROCEED WITH CAUTION. i love spicy things, but if that’s not your cup of Good Drink then only add a little or leave it out.